Happy Green Day
by Tigers and Dragons
Summary: "Happy Green Day!" "Zetsu? What are you talking about? And where did all these plants come from?" "I told you eating people makes you insane!" "As if the split personality wasn't a big enough hint!" Rated T for mild coarse language. Enjoy.


Konan was the first to notice it. She'd been standing on a viewing platform, staring out across the city when she'd felt something approaching.

She'd fallen off the ledge when she'd turned to find a creeper vine, reared up and about to tap her on the shoulder.

Pain quickly called off the rain as she dissolved into ribbons of paper and fluttered away.

He then mobilized all of his bodies to find out just what the hell was happening in his city.

The culprit turned out to be closer to home than he would have thought.

* * *

><p>There were assorted grunts and cursing as each member of the Akatsuki exited their living quarters. This was due to the fact that their doors seemed to be blocked from the outside. Of course, once the doors were open, many of them wished they'd left well enough alone.<p>

The entire base/compound/hideout/tower was full of all types of greenery. Swathes of ferns and vines were draped across the walls, trees seemed to be growing from the walls, the floor was covered in grass, and some of the furniture had sprouted flowers.

"Where the fuck did all of this come from?" Hidan roared, trying disentangle himself from a creeper that had grabbed him as he walked toward the kitchen.

"I'm not paying to get rid of it." Kakuzu muttered, as he glared at approaching plants.

Itachi simply kicked an encroaching plant out of the way, closed his door and returned to his bed.

"So, what's happened, yeah?" Deidara asked, ducking under a low hanging branch.

"ZETSU!"

Everyone turned as Kisame wrenched open the door to his quarters, spraying petals everywhere. He stormed into the corridor, gripping a small branch like a club. Hanging from the branch was a cluster of small red-orange fruit.

"Zetsu?"

"Zetsu."

"You called?"

"**Quite rudely**."

Standing at the end of the corridor, stood the Akatsuki's resident plant man, resplendent in his venus flytrap ensemble. Peeking out from behind him was a green mask.

"Happy Green Day." He called.

"Greenday?" Hidan asked in confusion.

"He said green day, yeah." Deidara corrected, gesturing to the trees and shrubs.

"He must have been up all night doing this." Sasori intoned monotonously.

"I don't care, so long as it doesn't cost anything to get rid of it." Kakuzu muttered as he entered the dining area.

"Itachi could get rid of it." Hidan suggested as he followed his partner.

"I'm sleeping." Came the faint reply from behind the closed door.

"Lazy bastard, yeah." Deidara grumbled before turning back to the argument between Zetsu and Kisame, which was growing quite heated.

Just then Kisame struck Zetsu across the face with the branch; the fruit breaking on impact and spraying pulp across the other man's head and neck. His head and body twisted with the blow.

He straightened, turning to look at Kisame, who took a step back.

"Whoa, he's smiling!" Deidara whispered in awe and terror, "On both sides of his face!"

"Uh, uh. You're not green enough." Zetsu's two voices said together.

"No shit!" Kisame sneered, regaining his bravado, "I prefer the blue look myself." He raised the branch once more, holding it threateningly, "Don't you ever fill my room with persimmons again."

Zetsu's creepy smile remained, as Kisame turned, and walked straight into a web of vines and creepers. They bunched around him and raised him, kicking and yelling, into a nest hanging from the ceiling.

"ZETSU! LET ME OUT, YOU RIPE BASTARD!"

Zetsu merely glanced up, "That's much better."

"I told you eating people makes you go insane." Deidara whispered to Sasori, as Zetsu walked away.

"As if the split personality wasn't a big enough hint." Sasori replied, rolling his eyes.

"Excuse me, Mr Zetsu?" Tobi called as he ran after the plant man, "Can I have my old mask back? This one smells funny."

* * *

><p><strong>Author's Note: This story was inspired by the list of religious holidays from a story called Akatsuki Employee Handbook, by Lady Khali<strong>.


End file.
